I heard that social media like Facebook make you feel worse because people are always posting pictures and shit about what a fab party they’re at, what a delish meal they’re eating, and what a great time they’re having. Obnoxious showoffs. They all need to acquire smallpox ASAP.

And people are always like, what are you doing this weekend? What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Years, etc? Usually my answer is, “Uh, nothing. I’m gonna be by myself so I’m just gonna sleep in and watch TV.” Awkward silence. Some will say something kind but still sound patronizing. Most people just look at me like what’s wrong with me that I’M ALONE ON A HOLIDAY, and then scurry away as if I had ebola.

People with no lives are the most discriminated class in the world. We need a Constitutional amendment for protection.