1. Every other guy ever is a murderous, raping scumbag. Those who aren’t rapists or murderers seem to need a reason to not rape or murder anyone (one is still in love with his dead wife and the other’s a cop).

I mean, seriously, given a place where you can do anything you want, why does the go-to have to be violence towards women? What happened to healthy fun stuff like parasailing naked or doing gymnastics atop elephants or trying to eat fifty cronuts? Portraying men as scum and women as victims is SO 2014, you guys.

2. Armed, trained guards can’t shoot to save their lives. Not even a graze to the heroes throughout the entire movie.

Where are they finding these guards?? They are useless. FIRE THEM.

3. THIS happened.

This was where I proceeded to turn my brain off. From that point on, there were no more shits given to any of the mains. Because anyone who is stupid enough to turn down a full mind-and-body upgrade while there is an army after them does not deserve to live. In fact, I wanted to kill them myself.

Aaand that’s why I couldn’t take anything about Vice seriously. What was the last movie you couldn’t take seriously?

(And the rent isn’t even cheap…)